My partner wants a dog, but I don’t – what to do?

Your partner wants a dog and is adamant about it. You, on the other hand, definitely do not want a dog? Conflicts are likely to arise, and disputes can put your relationship to the test. With our tips, you can find a solution or at least gain clarity.

My wife wants a dog, but I don’t – what to do?

Relationships often come with challenges. Completely opposing wishes, goals, and plans are part of the equation.

If your partner has longed for a dog while you are strictly against it, it creates a stressful situation for both of you. Open communication and plenty of empathy from both of you are crucial.

Why does your partner want a dog?

Every few years, or whenever it seems appropriate, I ask people who want a dog: “Why do you want a dog?”

Hey, if the wish is so strong that a living being should move in, there must be some really good reasons for it. At least, that’s what I thought.

Do you know what the most common answer I get is? “Because I just want a dog!”

Um, okay. That’s not a justification; that’s just an emphasized desire for a dog.

Ask your partner why they want a dog, and don’t settle for “Just because.” Depending on the reasons, alternative solutions might be found that work for both of you.

Let’s look at some possible reasons:

1. I want someone to cuddle with.

If that’s the only reason, there are plenty of alternatives. Cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, and rats also enjoy cuddling and don’t need to be walked several times a day.

2. I want to get more fresh air.

The classic, which often doesn’t pan out. If someone wants to get more exercise outdoors, they just go outside. Owning a dog isn’t necessary for that. Plus, there are many options that can work even better and easier without a dog, such as:

– Going for daily walks (with others). If you can’t walk with other people, you can talk on the phone and maintain friendships that way.

– Becoming a riding companion. If the goal is to spend time outdoors with animals, caring for a horse is a great option. Riding also comes with an increased fitness factor.

– Helping out as a dog walker. Animal shelters and foster homes often desperately seek reliable dog walkers. As might do some neighbors or friends of you.

3. I want to feel safer.

Many people who want a dog and lack experience assume they’ll feel safer with a dog by their side. But the opposite is often true.

Poisoned treats, other dogs, dog haters, traffic—there are numerous risks and dangers that come with owning a dog. Responsible dog owners need to be aware of these and constantly vigilant.

If someone hopes a dog will provide them with a sense of security, they might be better off taking self-defense classes. Because having a dog often leads to more worries.

Why don’t you want a dog?

“I just don’t want one!” is not an answer. What exactly are your concerns? What do you dislike? Be open and honest about it.

Do you not want the responsibility for an animal?
Are you not interested in dog hair and muddy paw prints?
Do you fear a significant financial burden? Or that the work will fall on you?
Do you not want to give up your flexibility?
Are you afraid of dogs?

Expressing this and discussing it fairly will provide insights for both you and your partner. It forms the basis for finding a suitable solution for both of you.

Do you have any experience with dogs?

I know countless people whose experience with dogs is limited to occasional sightings on the sidewalk. They’ve never had a dog. They don’t have friends with dogs. What they do have is countless prejudices they consider facts.

This can go both ways.

People who want a dog and lack experience tend to view dog ownership and its challenges through rose-colored glasses. They underestimate the time and financial commitments involved. They have no idea how much patience is sometimes required.

Conversely, people with no experience who adamantly do not want a dog often see the negatives in a distorted way. They might assume that with a dog, outings will never be possible again.

They often completely overlook the fact that while dogs require a lot of effort, they also give back a lot. And that many things become habitual over time.

Both perspectives are poor foundations for an informed and thoughtful decision. So, go out with your partner and gain experience with dogs together.

– Talk to dog owners and breeders.

– Visit animal shelters.

– Become dog walkers for the shelter, friends, or neighbors.

– Occasionally take in a dog over the weekend when the owners are away.

– Consider becoming a foster home and thus taking in dogs temporarily.

Do you think I’m trying to convince you to get a dog? Nothing could be further from the truth.

I’ve often seen that people quickly discard their prejudices when they have direct contact with dogs. Just as often, though, I’ve seen people who want a dog quickly change their minds when they experience the reality of having one.

Practical experiences can’t be replaced. They can show you and your partner where you might have completely wrong assumptions or what you’ve over- or underestimated.

Most likely, you will view the idea of getting your own dog in a new light afterward.

Compromises are not always a solution

Your partner wants a dog. You don’t want a dog. You’ve talked extensively about your reasons. You’ve gained experience, informed yourselves, and yet neither your partner’s desire for a dog nor your rejection of it has changed.

Now several possibilities exist.

Your partner insists on their wish.

Ideally, you’ve agreed on clear rules beforehand, so that you are as minimally impacted by the dog as possible.

The fact is, the dog will still be part of your life. Your partner will invest time and money into the dog and care for a being that relies on humans for everything.

This will change your partnership. Not necessarily for the worse. For example, if you still go out for walks, or bring treats even though you didn’t want a dog? Investing something for your partner’s sake can strengthen your bond.

However, if you’re constantly annoyed, or pushing for the dog’s return after just three days because things aren’t running smoothly, this will create a rift that many partnerships find hard to mend or will in fact never mend.

2. You insist on your rejection and forbid the acquisition.

But this won’t make your partner’s wish for a dog go away. Sooner or later, this will become a persistent strain on the relationship and a point of contention. After all, you’re withholding something from your partner that they really want.

3. You reflect on your relationship.

In a healthy relationship, both partners take each other into account but don’t forget themselves.

Is your partner determined to have their way without regard for you and your concerns? That’s a warning sign. On the other hand, if they’re working to alleviate your concerns, taking full responsibility, and have a thoughtful plan, then it’s up to you to find out if you can live with that and how you can respond to your partner.

If it doesn’t work out, it’s often healthier, more honest, and better to draw a line than to reach a rotten compromise that satisfies no one.

PunkRockPudel