I want a dog, my partner doesn’t – what can I do?

If one partner wants a dog and the other does not, doubts and frustration are inevitable. However, you should never simply get a furry friend and hope that your partner will come to terms with it. Follow our tips to find a solution.

I want a dog, my husband does not – what to do?

You wanted a dog for a long time, but your partner is strictly against it? This can lead to serious problems in the relationship.

To prevent this from becoming a bigger issue or at least to find a solution to the conflict, I have put together some practical tips for you.

I want a dog, my wife does not—find out why

You want a dog. Why? You probably expected a different question here, and don’t worry, that one is coming too. First, you should be clear about why you want a dog.

Have you had dogs in the past and miss being a pet owner? Or do you just imagine life with a dog as nice? That’s a significant difference. With experience, you know what you’re getting into. If you’re a first-time dog owner, you should first gather experience with dogs without having your own.

Now, onto the question you were expecting: Why does your partner not want a dog?

Let’s take a closer look at the most common reasons:

Financial burden
Less flexibility
Dog hair, everywhere dog hair
Dirt in the house or apartment
Time commitment
Fear

Take these concerns seriously and get to the bottom of them. Because even if your partner claims it’s about money or that they simply don’t want dog hair on the couch, there might be something else hidden beneath.

Let’s look at the reasons against having a dog:

A dog means financial burden

You want a dog, and your partner is against it. In the end, you might have to cover all the costs alone. Remember, the purchase is the smallest part of the financial burden.

Taxes, insurance, food, veterinary care, supplies, and dog training or trainers add to the costs, as does care when needed and during vacations.

If you want to convince your partner, save up a good cushion before the dog moves in.

A dog means less flexibility

This is absolutely true. Many dogs cannot be left alone immediately. You must walk them no matter what. Spontaneous weekend trips or vacations? That only works if the dog can come along or you can find a last-minute pet sitter.

However, it often helps to take a closer look at your current lifestyle. How often do you spontaneously set off for a weekend trip? Are you often at parties or hardly ever? Are you constantly in areas or pursuing hobbies that aren’t dog-friendly?

These questions are just as important for your desire for a dog as they are for your partner.

Dog hair, everywhere dog hair

Hypoallergenic or low-shedding breeds immediately solve this problem. But if you really want a Labrador or Golden Retriever, the argument that you’ll find hair everywhere— and I mean everywhere—holds true.

Even if the dog isn’t allowed on the couch, hairs will cling to clothes and furniture and will float around in particularly hairy times.

With regular bathing, brushing, and using a blower, you can reduce the amount of loose hair. A powerful vacuum, lint rollers, and blankets on the couch can take care of the rest of the problem.

Dogs bring dirt into the house and apartment

Wiping their paws helps. But you should still prepare to invest more effort into cleaning your home daily. This is especially true in fall and winter or when it’s raining.

Also, be prepared that tracked-in dirt could become a point of contention between you and your partner, especially if they were against getting a dog from the start.

Dogs mean time commitment

Walking, grooming, dental care, training, playtime, cuddling, feeding, and care when your dog is sick – dogs require time and effort. First-time dog owners often underestimate this effort mercilessly.

Is your partner worried that your relationship will suffer because of this?

Again, it’s worth taking a closer look to address these concerns – or confirm them. How much time do you really have available? Do a practical test. Get up earlier, go for daily walks – at first without a dog.

Clean your apartment daily before hair and dirt accumulate. Dedicate half an hour each day to mimic caring for your dog without your partner (or simply read in another room).

The concerns about having less time for each other are understandable. However, this problem can easily be solved by involving your partner in dog-related activities. Instead of sitting on the couch, you could go for walks together. Instead of leaving all the tasks related to the dog to you, they could help, and you would both finish faster.

Your partner is afraid of dogs

The worst relationship of my life began like a romantic comedy. At the start of the relationship, I thought I had found the man of my dreams. He claimed to love animals! That was a crucial requirement for me, as I can’t imagine life without them.

Over time, however, it became clear that he didn’t consider small dogs as real dogs. He didn’t care for them. And he was afraid of large “real” dogs. He never admitted his fear, although it was more than obvious.

To be afraid of dogs, your partner doesn’t need to have had bad experiences. Simply being unable to assess dogs can be enough.

If there is fear, it can be worked on. If your partner takes your desire for a dog seriously, you can tackle this problem together.

Gain experiences with dogs together

Many people have misconceptions about life and interacting with dogs. This applies to both those who want a dog and those who categorically do not.

Gaining experience with dogs often helps in both cases. Do trial runs with dogs and get active:

Visit animal shelters, shows, and breeders
Talk to other dog owners
Become dog walkers
Offer to care for friends‘ dogs
Consider becoming a foster home for dogs

As you gain experience and meet various dogs, something else happens. Your partner can get used to the idea of dogs playing a role in your lives. This can lower the barrier to getting your own dog in some cases.

Establish rules

Whether husband, wife, boyfriend, fiancée, short-term or long-term relationship: Sometimes a partner doesn’t want a dog simply because they fear the workload will fall on them.

Set clear rules. When getting a dog as a couple they are always necessary.

This can include needing a dog walker—yes, even if your partner is home and could at least take the dog around the block. Think about care when you’re away longer or if your dog cannot stay alone.

Also clarify whether the dog is allowed on the couch and in the bedroom. One of the most common conflicts arises when one partner is strictly against it and the other ends up sitting on the floor or sleeping in another room with the dog.

Here you need to weigh whether that’s acceptable and sensible for you.

Could you agree on another pet?

Here, it mainly depends on why you want a dog. Do you want an animal to play with and cuddle at home? Cats, rabbits, and guinea pigs can also learn tricks and are wonderful companions.

Do you want to be more active outdoors? This could also mean taking up riding or becoming a dog walker for a shelter or neighbors.

Yes, of course, it’s not the same as having your own dog. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Dog or partnership?

You want a dog. Your partner is strictly against it. Some circumvent this problem by simply getting a dog. However, this carries considerable risks for both the dog and your relationship.

The dog enters a stressful and conflict-laden situation. Your partner doesn’t want it, and this is often quite palpable. If a fight then breaks out, the already traumatized dog is caught in the middle. That’s a terrible start.

Even if you both decide on getting a dog, training issues and house rules can frequently become points of contention for couples. You will learn more about your partner—and yourself—when a pet enters your home.

Therefore, it’s much more honest and better to make a clear decision. If your desire for a dog is very strong and your partner completely disregards it: Just as you should take their concerns seriously, they should take your wish seriously as well.

If that doesn’t happen, you need to ask yourself a serious question: Dog or relationship?

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